I can't sleep and I'm stressed out thinking about plans and future things that are undecided and I don't know what to do. I've been ignoring the letter I got in the mail for a week, but tonight mom asked about it and I lied and now I'm not only stressed out about the fact that I haven't made a decision, but also that I lied to her and she's going to be angry and now I have to figure out how to tell her, too.

I hate being home and being so bored and knowing I'm going to end up depressed by the end of the summer. Again. I am fine with being alone and being with myself, but after three and a half months of nothingness and feeling useless, I can't take it anymore. I don't know how to change it. Everything hurts because all I do is sit around all day. Today I didn't even have to get properly dressed. I didn't even leave the house. And I don't think I did yesterday, either. Basically I am going to go stir crazy. I can't even cry to relieve the stress that's keeping me from sleeping.