Thursday, December 12, 2013

song of the year



I think my song for 2014 is going to be CP's "Human". I will probably need the reminder that I am just a little human, that I can't do everything. That it is okay to break open and feel vulnerable. That it is okay to let someone in. That I don't have to protect myself so forcefully.

Next year I want to be more brave. I want to practice courage. I want to break myself open and let the people who love me all the way in. I want to break open so that I can let someone into my heart. And hopefully they will be gentle with it.

Saturday, December 7, 2013

songs of the years

for the last few years, around december 31/january 1 I have taken time to reflect on what I want the next calendar year to look like and who I want to be and what I want out of it, and then tried to choose a song that would represent that coming year for me. these are the songs I chose for the last few years.

  • 2010 - Be OK by Ingrid Michaelson
  • 2011 - We're All In This Together by Ben Lee
  • 2012 - To Whom It May Concern by the Civil Wars
  • 2013 - Anything Could Happen by Ellie Goulding

I think next year's is going to be Human by Christina Perri. more on that, later.

My Biggest Inspiration

Is Keltie Knight (formerly Keltie Colleen). She is an individual who has shaped so much of who I am today. Tonight, I am feeling especially grateful for her. Every day I wear my "courage passion hard work" mantra cuff because it has become a habit, a given, a reflex. Everyone else probably thinks they are just words on my wrist, and even I don't give it deep thought every time that I put it on but when pressed, I would tell you that it means so much more to me. It goes so much deeper than just those four words. It is representative of who Keltie is and who she has helped me become and what she has given me -- a lot more than just that bracelet and a few t-shirts and a book and two signed posters. She has given me a sense of self. She has made me better and kinder. She has shared amazing music and books and words that have inspired me. Not to mention the fact that she gave me one of my other (three) most inspiring people, Christina Perri.

I dance, because of Keltie. Because she taught me to appreciate the art and showed me how beautiful it is, and then when I felt compelled to do it myself but scared to try, for the very first time, at 18 years old -- she gave me courage and told me to just do it. So I took ballet for the first time. And I've kept on dancing for the last four years.

I am kinder, because of Keltie. I do my best every day to not only find the good (however small it may seem) in every thing that happens to me, but also to practice putting only goodness and kindness out into the universe. Because we are all confused little humans who deserve kindness and understanding, and you never know what is going to come back around to you. Or how far what you say and do is going to go in the world. And the world has enough ugliness and meanness without my contributing to it.

There are probably a million more things I could say, but tonight I am feeling especially lucky because not only is this girl a shining light in my life who inspires me and makes me better, but I get to feel connected to her. To my hero. Even though we have never met in person (yet!!) we have spoken through the computer, through the internets, and even face-to-face over a webchat type thing once! She has given advice and kind words directly to my naive, searching self. And the fact that I can feel at all connected to and acknowledged by someone so important to me, is amazing. The fact that I can almost, just barely, call her my friend. It blows my mind.

If I could have lunch, or coffee, or dance through the park with anyone in the world -- it would probably be her. She would be such a great friend to have. I am so thankful for what she has already given me.