I remember you.

This is the song of 2012. I think last year, even though I wanted to open myself to love (and it did kind of happen, a little bit. just a taste of how it would feel), I was moreso manifesting being a better person. And now I think I am close to being the best, strongest, kindest version of myself -- though a goal for this year is still to be better. And only the best version of myself deserves to find love. We only find love when we stop looking, supposedly. But I don't know how I'm supposed to ever stop wanting it.

I really hope this year holds something different though. I want to find something reciprocal. I realize that thus far, I've been able to hold onto my own ideals about what it would be like, a magical fairytale romance that I would be so grateful for after waiting so long. I don't like to think about the doubts and questions and uncertainties and struggles that people in relationships actually go through. I haven't had to, and I haven't had to have my illusions shattered. It is an innocence that I'm not really keen to lose. But it's inevitable. Because relationships involve other people, and it would mean having to deal with someone else, not just myself anymore. But I at least want the chance. Please universe, give me a chance to open my heart.