don't you see?

i don't care what anyone says about charts and deserving it or not deserving it, she worked hard and earned it and had such an amazing year and has gone through so much and i love her and am so proud of her. yeah, maybe i didn't particularly like her just over a year ago, but, i didn't know then, and wasn't qualified to make the judgements i was making. once i removed my thoughts about her appearance (all of which i've since retracted, now i know she is the most beautiful girl in [my] world) and started listening to her songs, guilty pleasure or not, i realized. she is so young and deserving of everything life gives or doesn't give her. when i was her for halloween it was because i had the red dress and a couple people said i looked sorta like her. now i am so glad i carried that weight of being such a stunning person, even if just for a night.

lastly, almost one month till.

catharsis (n.) - the purging of the emotions or relieving of emotional tensions, esp. through certain kinds of art, as tragedy or music.

we sit on rooftops and swing our legs over the sides, hanging like stars before they fall.

(we always make memories, even if they aren't necessarily good ones, at least they are something to hold onto and remember and laugh about later.)

maybe it's fate / but i say stay awhile, have a nightcap

I love the idea that the universe is shaping me into and teaching me how to be the right, perfect Lauren that I need to be to have and raise kids, to meet my husband, and then to love those people for the rest of my life. Every song I fall in love with and every star that I wish on is all adding to who I'm going to be. My faith is growing and my optimism and self-strength increase with every single day.

If my life was made into a movie it would be set in the fourties and the entire story would take place in a ballroom so everyone could spend the entire time swing dancing and the celebrity to play me would be Taylor Swift. At first my mind went blank as for people who look like me, and then I remembered, oh of course. My love interest would either be played by Jake Gyllenhaal or Chad Michael Murray. Possibly both. The story would end at dusk, because that is quite possibly the most beautiful time of day, and with a slow, wistful song. It would be the happiest ending though, of course.

(I am not sure what the ending is yet.)



there is a fire in these two. if i could find + keep that fire within myself i would be happy.

yes yes yes yes

"This can't come as a total surprise to you, we've been like Tom and Summer for months now."



yes. his bloody hand, yes yes yes.

cause i don't mind, baby

i wish i still had the sunglasses i broke + i wish i was home + i wish my hair was straight (not all the time though) + i wish i could wear flowers in my hair everyday + i wish i could marry this man.

either him or else mattie nathanson. (him singing this song, yes)

you are the brightest blue

because happy people are always beautiful.

hopelessly resting all these fools

i love my taylor swift hair + my legs (even if they aren't perfect & my joints are wrong) + new dresses + writing + the future + being inspired. also this song. and i am excited and rejuvenated for new she & him.

it's funny how we all take for granted the fact that we will wake up again every morning, that we will open our eyes to the same thing we fell asleep to. what if we didn't? what if one day you woke up somewhere entirely different? then what happens?

should i just keep on--

it's a little scary when you are suddenly and unexpectedly reminded of the fragility of life. i hope you can remember to live out every moment you have to the fullest.

i can close my eyes with this song on and remember saying goodbye. (&it's not even a sad song.) it's just the memories of that day. i wrote them all down, even though it's clear as day in my mind. there should be a word to describe the feeling of driving-away-and-watching-someone-get-smaller-in-the-rearview. a way to explain the inexplicable way i can't hold back tears everytime i have to say goodbye, even if it's see-you-in-six-days goodbye. i miss too many people.

oh the world is in my heart

people change and i can be okay with that. i know who i am, and i will let myself know and accept whoever they choose to be. i wouldn't want anyone restricting me to be one thing if i didn't want to be that thing anymore. i will allow everyone else the same freedom to change and build themselves, because i would want the same courtesy for myself from others.

"this is a song about innocence lost"

what if what i want makes you sad?

song of the day --

the original version is grand and swelling, but i like it raw like this too. it makes colors flash and explode behind my eyelids.

one more time with feeling

i feel like having to say so many goodbyes and so often is slowly making little tiny holes in my heart each time and they are gradually accumulating. i'm still not used to it. it's like tearing a piece out of my chest and giving it to someone, and then holding onto the string, the thread connecting across the miles distance, with all my might. i hope i don't end up with an empty ribcage eventually. with nothing left for myself and fingers grasping at thin air.

she lifts her skirt up to her knees/ walks through the garden rows with her bare feet, laughing

songs of 2009, for a lonely girl like me.

parting gift : fiona apple

Sometimes the words were true for me, sometimes for someone else, and sometimes I just put it on repeat because I was hurting. This year won't be like that. I won't remember the sum of the days by such a crushing song.

welcome home : radical face

There aren't many words to describe this song. For such a cold song, it warmed my insides whenever I put it on loop and lost myself in it.

the battle with the heart isn't easily won

I don't believe in anything but myself.
I hope someone opens the door for me this year. That'd be nice. I have spent a long time opening my own doors, alone.