Somewhere over the rainbow, there is someone out there for me. Waiting, just like I am waiting. Feeling just as lonely as I feel. I can't wait to find them.

He has the prettiest eyes.

I dreamt about him last night. Even though I know I shouldn't have. I pretty much willed myself to, though. I dreamt we were in a car, someone else was driving and there were three of us in the backseat and I don't remember who the third person was, but he was sitting in the middle and pressed against me. I wrapped my hand around his arm, and then he put his hand in my lap, so I covered his hand with my other hand. My memory is blurry and fuzzy, but warm. I wish it could be real. It just felt so nice to simply hold his hand like that. I miss the innocence that the idea of him once held for me.

The less I give, the more I get back.

So I pretty much listened to this song on repeat nonstop yesterday. I woke up yesterday morning and opened my computer (my first mistake) and then saw something that ripped my heart right out of my chest. Then I had to lie in bed and listen to this song and cry. I know I don't have any rights to him, and that I dug this grave myself, that it's my fault for getting attached, but it still hurt. I am the girl who waits. I am the girl who has never had a boyfriend, so I emotionally attach myself to people I can't have or sometimes don't even know. I am the girl staring into your bright blue eyes and wordlessly begging you to break down the walls I've put up. I am willing you to see how much I want you to come over and say hello to me.

I am a coward. I am alone. I spent all day upset but not telling anyone, and then last night, I got a text, "are you okay?" I didn't even have to tell her. My twin is a mindreader and she just knew it would affect me and I would be upset. I'm not used to having someone implicitly know what is going to hurt me and actually reaching out without having to be told. And that is why she is my twin.

It's official. I'm a wreck. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do without my Gbig in my life.

I don't have anything left to say

This weekend I came back to school, to say goodbye. I am horrible at goodbyes. Some of my best friends, my family members, my mentor, are graduating on Sunday morning. That means it's not going to be just, goodbye, see you when the summer is over, but instead goodbye for a really long time, if not forever. There are some that I know will come back and visit as alumni, and some I'm not so sure about. Everyone is going their separate ways, to Nashville, to Oregon, to California. And I will be here. There are people leaving who I didn't get the chance to know as well as I would've liked to. We didn't have enough time.