this is a music post

somehow, the summer is almost over and in a month i will be back at school. i am simultaneously excited and relieved and stressed and nervous. it won't be the same living in room 213 without my best girl. the way it was supposed to be.

that aside, these have been my favorite songs this summer:

• bird song : florence + the machine
• dance so good : wakey!wakey!
• dancing on my own : robyn
• devil's waitin' : black rebel motorcycle group
• dog days are over : florence + the machine
• gospel song : black rebel motorcycle group
• heavy in your arms : florence + the machine
• home : edward sharpe & the magnetic zeros
• jar of hearts : christina perri
• kiss with a fist : florence + the machine
• move you : anya marina
• my love : sia
• please don't tell her : jason mraz
• take it like a man : wakey!wakey!
• 40 day dream : edward sharpe & the magnetic zeros

you're a fool to believe that you gave me some

i guess being a good person does pay off. i keep being humbled by the kindness of strangers. i like when the universe puts nice people in front of me, even if only for a moment.

i have been alone for far too long.

"Seek not that the things which happen should happen as you wish; but wish the things which happen to be as they are, and you will have a tranquil flow of life."
Epictetus

kiss me on the sidewalk

surprisingly, i am a little bit in love with life right now. somehow. it has a lot to do with this girl right here. her words and her laugh can pull me out of any bad mood at any time, even if just for a couple minutes.

good things today: tay's live webchat & speak now 10.25.10 & "mine" & "sparks fly". christina & keltie & mattnathanson agreeing to do keltie's radioshow on monday; excited excited excited! dancing around my bedroom. wearing my fearless cuff & lovelovelove bracelet. my kitty sitting behind my chair all through dinner. reading in the sun. coffee in bed while listening to bright eyes <3. eating my ben&jerry's icecream before lunch. playing ping pong to the trek soundtrack, and winning. the fudge brownies that are sitting on my stove. christina is touring with jmraz! now if they come to florida i will be the happiest girl alive. i'll even bring jmraz an avocado from our avocado tree, as a present. just putting that out there. 

thank you, universe.

song everyone should listen to right now: "rain on the pretty ones" by ed harcourt, yes i found it on the awesome christina perri pandora station. enjoy.

i hope my arms can bind you/ so you'll never have to see what we've grown to be

one may think we're alright
but we need pills to sleep at night
we need lies to make it through the day
we're not okay

and to see you cuts me up inside

"are you okay? you're awfully quiet."
no, but i don't know how to explain how i feel, and you wouldn't understand anyways.
"I'm okay."

"i wish it didn't hurt with every thought of you. you have my heart."

i'm tired of feeling soulbroken. not heartbroken, because i have nothing to actually feel pain over. soulbroken. i feel like i am pouring all these good vibes and love out into the universe for the people i care about, hoping that they get to keep the good things they have received in their lives, and i have been praying for guidance or something for myself, but i'm not getting anything in return. i wish someone would think of me for once.

exploring the infinite abyss

if i could write a letter and send it into the infinite abyss and have the universe put it on my soulmate's doorstep, i would simply say, please hurry up. my soul needs you. i don't want my other half, i want my whole.

spinning in circles until my soul is healed

wedding bells will never ring for me

i haven't really figured out how to put words to this weird funk that i am in lately. it's not a good place to be. i feel lonely and empty and useless and vulnerable and uninspired and sad for no real reason and perpetually bored. i am hyperaware of my own heartbeat because i don't have anyone else's to listen for or match. every laugh or smile i have is superficial and short-lived. but i keep insisting i am okay i am okay to anyone who would bother to ask. i wish i didn't feel so hollow, like there's a hole in my chest and i am going through the motions and not doing anything significant each day and only living half alive. i am living just a series of insignificant days.

i took the stars from our eyes and then i made a map