my favorite songs of 2011

some of these may have come out towards the end of 2010, but these are the songs i had on repeat all year. and i am still not tired of a single one of them.

1. poison & wine - the civil wars
2. last kiss - taylor swift
3. someone like you - adele
4. the girl - city and colour
5. rivers and roads - the head and the heart
6. a thousand years - christina perri
7. safe & sound - taylor swift (ft. the civil wars)
8. we can't be friends - lorene scafaria

through the years, we all will be together

So, Christmas is over -- though I am still listening to my Christmas cds, since I only got them yesterday -- and now the New Year is looming. Oh boy. I have no idea what I want next year's song to be. But I sort of know what I want it to be like. The problem with this year's was that it set me up to be the kindest,  best version of myself this year, which I tried to be. But next year's needs to be about something else.

I taught myself how to grow old without any love.

So I can't believe 2011 is almost over. It feels like I was just trying to come up with a song for the year and think of resolutions and things I wanted to accomplish this year. I had a lot of high hopes and expectations for this year, and looking back, I feel like none of my goals were realized. I didn't find love, at least not as far as a relationship goes. I didn't meet any of the people that I wanted to meet.

But at the same time, a lot of beautiful things happened. It's been a long year, despite how fast it went by, and so I've had to do some digging to remember all the wonderful things I did this year. Last spring, I got to spend more time with my Biggy and fall more in love with her.

In the Spring, I also met my Twinny, and at the time I probably would've never guessed how close we would become. In March, I got to see Bright Eyes for the first time, and I have been listening to him for like five or six years, so that was amazing. He played Poison Oak which is my absolute favorite. If I had to tattoo any lyric on me, it would be and I never thought this life was possible, you're the yellowbird that I've been waiting for. I didn't get to meet him, and that was one of the only two concerts I went to this year, but it was incredible.

This summer, I saw Taylor again on the Speak Now tour, and it was the most sparkly, magical night of my life. I still didn't get to meet her, but so many people there kept double-taking and telling me that I really do look like her and that always makes me so happy, it is the best compliment I could ever receive. Since she is the most perfect person in the universe.

Over the summer, I also started horseback riding again and hanging out at barns with my neighbor, Elizabeth. And oh, how I have missed being around horses. I can't wait until I am older and have my own. At the beginning of the summer, I got to spend a lot of time with my Twinny since she lives close to me, and my Gbig came down to visit us for a couple days. And then at the end of the summer, I got to go back to Jacksonville. The city where my heart is. It was a long train ride for a really short trip, but it was worth it.

This Fall, I got to take Ballet again. I have officially been dancing for over a year now. And I finally feel like I can call myself a dancer. I wouldn't be where I am now if Miss Keltie hadn't given me the strength and courage to jump in headfirst and take Ballet last fall; my first dance class ever. And then in the Spring, I took Jazz I. Now, I am stronger and I got to perform onstage again, in our school's dance concert. Being backstage in the theatre, getting ready surrounded by other dancers, was one of my favorite experiences.

For Halloween, I was black swan/white swan, and this was a goal of mine all year so I am so glad that it was realized. It took me two hours to get ready, and there were still things that could've been done better (if I had better make-up that actually worked properly) and the evening's festivities were a bit of a let down, but it was still so much fun to pretend to be a ballerina for a night.

This semester, semi-formal fell on the same weekend as family weekend, so I got to bring my little sister as my date. And Biggy and I matched, which I of course loved. (Just like the time we accidentally matched when dressing up for my initiation into an English honors society. And all the times we unknowingly wore our big/little shirts on the same day.)

I went on an immersion trip with my sisters, and got to spend a weekend working with Habitat for Humanity for the first time. It was such a humbling and valuable experience. Hours of physical labor as volunteer service work was such a great way to clear my head and stop worrying about all the school things that were stressing me out, even if only temporarily.

And finally, I survived the busiest, most stressful semester of my life. And barely managed a B in French, again. So I am pretty proud of myself for that. Just yesterday I got the amazing news that I was one of two students chosen for an LGBT advocacy internship in Washington, D.C. next summer, fully funded through my school. So I will spend 8 weeks of next summer taking classes at American University and working at an organization of my choice.

In short, I am so grateful for how blessed I have been and all the magical experiences I was given this year.

I still don't know what love means.

I love this girl so much. Being on break makes me miss her. If I go to Paris for a semester, I don't know what I'll do without her. Miss her every single day, probably.