i am the sunlight drenching you

loves it when the universe works out perfectly, even if just for a night. i almost can't believe that it actually happened, that i got another perfect day. just because it's almost the end of our time together doesn't mean it's too late to make more beautiful memories. i sure haven't let go yet, and i don't think you have either.

it's a quarter after one i'm a little drunk and i need you now

perfect way to start a morning (minus how sucky i slept last night)

- gorgeous kc headshots

- amazing piano/cello instrumental version of love story+viva la vida

- new cperri adventure!

- rewatching my dorky trs dance video

- lady antebellum

- one week till i go home!

she wears high heels i wear sneakers

i wish my school was this awesome. i wish i could get a hug and kiss on the cheek from taylor swift. so proud of ryan and michael though!! they worked hard + earned it.


i think we should all thank the universe (i almost just typed the you-niverse) everytime we have a good day. or even if it isn't a good day, we should still give thanks for any and all of the small good things that happened that day, even if they seem insignificant. they may seem insignificant a lot of the time, but just think, your not-so-good day would be much worse without them. you worked hard to earn the good things life hands you, so take a moment to appreciate what you receive in return.

my good things today:
+ classes got done early so i had extra time to myself
+ deaver told me that he sees my mom in me, now that he saw her again
+ i got to blast the rocket summer in my room alone
+ free lunch! which for a poor person like me is the best thing over, because otherwise my lunch would've been three sourpatch kids and the end of my bunny grahams
+ got my last story turned in, so i'm finally done with that
+ broke my necklace waiting in line for aforementioned free lunch, and then alyssa fixed it for me right when i got back to work!
+ there is not a cloud in the sky
+ i am wearing my birthstone ring which i never wear
+ i am rocking my you tell me to live shirt (and it looks awesome with white shorts, if i may say so myself)
+ i am also rocking my mantra cuff

i don't want it anymore if it's not you that i gain

songs like this, and words like these --

If today is a day of forgiveness.
I forgive you.

make me want to choose love instead of silence, because the world doesn't need more anger and hate, but i can't help myself. i already tried, and it was useless. i waved my white flag a long time ago. i never wanted this in the first place.

"Try to say nothing negative about anybody-for three days-for forty-five days-for three months. See what happens to your life."

-yoko ono

i'm old enough to know that time doesn't move slow enough

tonight i was deprived of my oxygen. i made excuses trying to account for the loss. i told myself that i had to give it up for tay. i'd be okay with it if the universe would keep my samantha here, with me. but no matter how many excuses i made, it still hurt. i spent the entire hour and a half on the phone with my momma, but it still hurt.

i wish i was home tonight. now i have six voicemails from my sister to listen to on my phone

she has no problem with secrets

i finally found a song for my girl. the love of my life. the sunbeam that inspires me to be a better person and never stop flipping my curly blonde hair in the bathroom at night. the voice to the soundtrack of my life. the one i write fearless on my wrist for. the angel that saved my life.

she is the words that i can't find
i'll drown or make her mine

we all saw it coming

my new favorite song.

classic

"The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling? "


i want her bathtub couch. and i want a beautiful handmade, hand-painted bookshelf (sam and i are doing that this summer). and my dog. tentatively named, wentworth.

"Stay on the road and be simple." -- Mellon Tytell

a muted country scene:

The old wooden fence she is sitting on is about to break under her weight; splinters are digging through her worn jeans. The field of dried out, long brown grass in front of her wavers as wind rolls over it.

“What do you want?” he says, standing behind her, eyes fixed on her shoulder.

“You.”

He stares at the strands of hair that are falling out of her loose ponytail. “What else do you want?”

She pauses, turns her head sideways so she can see him out of the corner of her eye. “You.”

He considers reaching out to touch her, brush his fingers across hers or push the hair back from her face, but he doesn’t. “Okay. I can do that.”

He stays still, and waits until she reaches back for him first, fingers catching blindly on the sleeve of his shirt and twisting in to grip him tightly and keep him close.

free falling

why would you try to contact me now after all this time? do you really think i am going to have good things to say to you? that time has made a difference in how i feel? your girlfriend dumped you and now it's almost summer so you think something is going to happen? sorry, no. no way in hell. i am not doing that and am not going there. not going back to who i was.

“The band set up and everyone was on stage, set and ready, except Bryce. I felt this stillness in the air, like everyone was waiting for either something incredibly amazing or bad to happen. For which one, I didn’t know. Then, Bryce walked on the stage and the crowd broke into ear-deafening cheers.”

not seeing him in a week is going to kill me, very slowly. i will weep longingly. i've seen him every time he's come to ft lauderdale since the summer of 2007. now that he finally has a brand spanking new, beautifully inspiring album out, i have to miss it. goddamn you, biology and finals and last story being due tuesday and everything else that is getting in the way. universe, didn't i tell you i refused to quit him?

this makes me feel free

this reminds me of a night months ago, driving home alone and the (original) song came on the radio and in that moment i felt full to the brim with life.

to make it better, better

where did all my rain go? now the forecast is all sunsunsun.

earlier today (do you remember--) i was thinking how much i missed loving him. this made me feel that again. that swelling and clenching in my chest.

used to pride myself on living life without any regrets but now that's gone

wanna touch you, wanna breathe you
said fuck you, i don't need you

and tonight we'll stand up

back in the god i miss my sister stage. watching her this weekend i was brought to tears with how much i miss her and how happy i am that i'll be home for good in two weeks. two weeks and one day. so happy i got to give her presents this weekend and take small pieces of her back to school with me -- wristbands from the tournament, her shirt. i can't wait till i graduate and she goes to college and we can live together wherever she goes. i will follow her anywhere. our own apartment with bookcases and my beagle puppy. i cannot wait.

tonight in the car i heard a song on the radio that kept singing "this time baby i'll be bulletproof." it wasn't a particularly life-changing song, but that line got to me. she didn't know and got hurt last time and all the times before that, but next time, this time, it won't happen again. she is stronger now, she is bulletproof.

like today at the zoo, isn't this a nice moment?

"That's one thing Earthlings might learn to do, if they tried hard enough: Ignore the awful times, and concentrate on the good ones."

"Um," said Billy Pilgrim.

i really need to reread vonnegut.

and i feel perfectly fine but i miss --

after a bad day for balancing today in yoga, the realization of how much balance ballet is going to require is vaguely frightening. or, a lot frightening. please give me strength. strength in my legs, strength in my feet.

don't pass me by/ don't make me cry

for all my wallflower years it has been my dream for the nicest, most handsome boy at the dancebanquetdinnercruise to see me sitting alone and ask me to dance, and i daydreamed about this every night on the edge of the floor, picturing what he would say when he told me i was beautiful and how we would hold hands and spin together. last night, my dream finally came true, and i danced with a boy for the first time. my smile was blinding. one magical, sunshine day after a no-good week of days.

and you'd say i'm putting you on

lately my life has been Many Days of Tired. way too many. sleepless nights with neverending stress and too many things to think about and fret about and a side of annoyance at life in general.the only things i am finding comfort is my taylor shirt (my safety blanket, my armor) and the package of love on my nightstand. i just want to go home to my bed and sleep for a week.

the universe is fighting against me today.

when you're smiling, when you're smiling

the whole world smiles with you

your life will not be a fairytale if you don't act and live classy like a princess. you are not going to find your prince charming by getting drunk and passing out in random boys' beds. that is why i don't do those things. i want my perfect ending.

we never will give up

i guess best friends named sam are just meant to be (loved and then) lost in my lifestory. when did everything suddenly stop going the way i wanted? the key of my life this week has been a minor one. in this instant i don't really have anyone close to me. no one to lean my weight on when i get tired or it gets to be too heavy.