Me and my stupid pride.

All I need is lost in the abyss, hiding somewhere out in the universe where I can't find it. I need someone to reach back and fight for me and hold on tightly. Someone that I reach for to reach back, for once in my life. What do I do?

Words, they never feel the same when you hear them over time.

I didn't tell you or show you how I felt, because I didn't want to mess up or lose our friendship -- and now we don't have much of a friendship anyways. I should've known. I should've taken a risk and just jumped. I got so far in that there was no other possible option for us. And so now we have nothing. You say hi to me for the first time in months and I just want to run away and ignore how you make my heart feel, still. To throw myself onto my bed and cry.

it's time to say goodbye/ and start over.

He was headed west from the Cumberland Gap

I have had the most amazing year, full of new cities and life-changing experiences and meeting new people and learning new languages. Two months of my summer working and living and partying in Washington, DC. Three and a half months of the fall living and studying in Paris. Visiting London for a few days. Spring Break spent hiking and building trails in Soddy-Daisy, Tennessee with the greatest group of people ever. I love embracing a change of scenery and living as fully as I possible can, and I love how much I have grown as a result of this incredible year and all the travelling, but it makes coming home bittersweet.

At the end of it all, I am left with more cities to miss, more friends and families and mentors that I don't know if I'll ever see again. My friends and workfamily in DC. My Russian sister in Paris. My fellow Hollins girls in Paris. My host family. My French professors. Spending 24/7 with my Tennessee family, our band of fools, for an entire week. The mountains. Paris in the rain. Walking home alone in DC at 2am. Lunches with my coworkers. Seeing snow for the very first time in Tennessee. Our perfect day off in Chattanooga. Thrift shopping together.

All of a sudden, I miss everyone.

I'm a ghost, haunting these halls.

I carved out a space for you in my heart, and now I don't have anything to fill it with. It's just empty. I don't even see you anymore. It's like you disappeared. Which is probably good for me, to get over it all, but it's still strange. I miss your laugh.

I am obsessed with this song. But the video made me cry the first time. Fair warning.