let's get gone for good

i have the desire to leave in the middle of the night and drive, just drive with the windows down til we reach california. i am done and tired of the east coast. i want to be somewhere where the colors are brighter, the sun warmer. sometimes if i squeeze my eyes shut i can pretend.



sunspots on my eyelids won't ever erase the sight of you

if not, what other reason to live

The optimistic part of me believes that there is someone out there for all of us. A soulmate, our other half, whatever. I don't think it's fate and destined and written in the stars -- I think we have to go out and fight and meet people and find that person on our own.

I'm scared of living my whole life and dying without having ever found my missing piece, but I still believe I am young and I will, I will find them.

we all just want to be loved

Yesterday marked two years of having this beautiful angel I call mine in my life. Two years of being happy, of loving and being loved. I have realized who I want to be as a person and I couldn't ask for more.



this is the way that we love/ like it's forever

Anthem

We did not wish to move. We thought suddenly that we could lie thus as long as we wished, and we laughed aloud at the thought. We could also rise, or run, or leap, or fall down again. We were thinking that these were thoughts without sense, but before we knew it our body had risen in one leap. Our arms stretched out of their own will, and our body whirled and whirled, till it raised a wind to rustle through the leaves of the bushes. Then our hands seized a branch and swung us high into a tree, with no aim save the wonder of learning the strength of our body. The branch snapped under us and we fell upon the moss that was soft as a cushion. Then our body, losing all sense, rolled over and over on the moss, dry leaves in our tunic, in our hair, in our face. And we heard suddenly that we were laughing, laughing aloud, laughing as if there were no power left in us save laughter.

- Ayn Rand

scrawled on a napkin from the morning of saturday, february 14

"the sun still rises and warms my skin but my world has been flipped upside down. what do you do when the only thing left to hold on to is still 1162 miles away?"

learning how to live

Today we had a picnic with a picnic basket and lied on our blanket in the sun and played frisbee in the grass and did cartwheels and took polaroids and everything was just easy.

I think I have learned that life will only be good if you go out and work to make it good. Just sitting at home, waiting around for something to happen, isn't going to make happiness come knocking on your door. Don't ever forget that.

lately the world feels too heavy and frustrating and i don't know what to do.

(it's not even been a week yet)

there was a time when sleep was my favorite time of day, and then i started to live my life differently and fully so that such was not the case. but somehow, i am back where i began. the unthinkingness of sleep is all i have.

if life could be different we wouldn't feel this way

watching someone else's dreams die is the hardest thing. especially if you've just had to let go of your own. how can i keep my eyes dry when everyone around me is broken?

(no sleep ever/ no sleep til im dreaming of you)

ways you know you're bound to end up an english major:

1. Your pocket thesaurus is your best friend.
2. Webster's dictionary is second best.
3. You have a list of words that are your favorites -- whether for sound or meaning , etc.
4. When writing, you have to find the right word, the right way to say something, or else it will seem wrong and bother you. Thus, see Number 1.



... to be continued, if I think of more, or someone else comes up with something that fits the list.

uncontrollable forces that are bigger than us

today she told me about fate and destiny and how there's a reason for everything, for me not going to the school i was dying to go to. she said maybe ill meet someone important or do something great at the school i do end up at and that's why i was rejected. there's always a reason for things like that.

ive worked really hard to try to be the best i can be, and it's still hard to be told you're not good enough, not smart enough, not involved enough.

i am scatterbrained today, sorry

im trying not to get into that "beginning of the end" mindset, trying not to miss people before they're gone, but its harder than you think

i have this hollow feeling in my chest music is the only thing that makes sense anymore focusing on the notes on the page and the pulse makes nothing else matter for the time being. (don't know how i am going to give it up, but apparently ive convinced myself i can.)

today we skipped rope in the morning sun and sang songs like we were little kids again and school, the future, nothing mattered.

"how did he know to put the 'pursuit' part in there?"

every other song on the radio is a different boy, a different set of memories, a different heartache. i drive in deafening silence instead.

is it so hard to be happy?

i use erasers and white-out to fix my mistakes

I do not regret any huge actions or choices of my life, but I do often look back and miss people that I was close to or that helped shape me as a person, but for whatever reason I have lost contact with, and I wish I could go back in time and cling to those people so I wouldn't lose them again.

the taste you leave is still stuck in my mouth

Today she and I lied on our backs in the grass during gym, behind the benches in the stadium where no one could see us. The sun was warm on our faces and the breeze cool, and we considered staying there all day to see if we could get away with it without anyone finding us.



(we didn't stay)

love that is ephemeral

if i can't believe in love what am i supposed to believe in? how am i supposed to have hope in finding happiness? i don't know how to shape my future because everything ive wanted or seen myself being has been ripped out from beneath me.

no more time to lose anymore
the clock is ticking



why must we be alone?