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I believe that every boy a girl falls at least a little bit in love with is locked away in the corners of her heart, in their own tiny cell -- waiting for the first opportunity to scratch their way out and plant themselves in her mind again. It sucks, how they never disappear completely, even when you've convinced yourself that they have, that you don't care anymore. Because some small part of you still does.

Because I ignored him, refused to give him want he wanted - my attention - now he is haunting my subconscious. Two nights in a row. I need to put the horseshoe back up over my bed so that the nightmares stop.

oh god please, let me hold you

i just really want someone to love. that's all. i want someone to fight for me and love me back fiercely.

perfection. i can'tcan'tcan't wait until i get to start ballet. i still need my shoes. oops.

the one thing i miss is in your eyes

i get lonely, but not that lonely.


things i would say if i wasn't ignoring you --
i am not going to come crawling back. i learned from the mistake i made and i am happier and stronger now. i  don't need you, i need someone mature enough and whole enough to complete me, not take from me again. i listened to parting gift over a hundred times last year. that is not okay. that spark is not there anymore. you could've had me then, but you chose not to. so now i am not choosing you. it's been over a year and i don't want you anymore. seeing you, on the rare occasion that i do, is still a stab in the chest. it is not a feeling i want to relive. thank you for not talking to me that one time when we were in the same room standing five feet away from each other. i didn't want to talk to you, i only wanted you to see how happy and perfectly fine i was without you. i am without you. i don't know what you want or expect from this, but i am not going to give you anything. you don't deserve any parts of me. i already gathered back all the parts you took last time, and i will protect them better this time. protect them for when the right person comes along.

if i wasn't ignoring you, i have plenty of songs that would sum up how i feel. you are not welcome here and honestly i'd much rather do without you and your cocaine attitude. i've got to cut you out. i'm not sorry i met you, i'm not sorry it's over, i'm not sorry there's nothing to say. but i have grown too strong to ever fall back in your arms. i learned to live half-alive and now you want me one more time. cause you broke all your promises.

i'm trying to find truth in words, in rhymes, in notes

i love change, like painting my room a different color or the idea of living somewhere completely foreign and new, but people changing breaks my heart more than anything. breaking promises and waking up next to someone you no longer recognize.


Tom: I need to know that you're not gonna wake up in the morning and feel differently.
Summer: I can't give you that. Nobody can.

to ever fall back into your arms

but that doesn't mean that i don't sometimes get tired of being alone, of always facing the world alone. sometimes i just want someone to share my heart with. someone to share songs that i think are beautiful with.

i got a sympathetic muse

story of my life & i'm proud of it.

thank you universe for a great day

good things about today --

+waking up to (very loud) beatle brunch + proceeding to have an all girls dance party

+normal unflavored coffee that i asked mom to make!

+tay's livestream <3 even though it made me sad i couldn't be there

+my curly hair and fearless cuff

+wearing the stripey buttonup i never wear and my new key necklace!

+bookstore + whole foods 

+peach green tea from wf!

+the office clue from barnes+noble!

+library times!

+ROCKING OUT IN THE CAR WITH SISTER, ESP TO YOU BELONG WITH ME AND DANCING AT THE REDLIGHTS

+princess diaries two and falling in love with the princess all over again!

+going to watch heroes with MY princess tonight!

oh no not again

i miss you.
it's only been a week or two, i can't even remember, but you feel so far away.
your voice sounds foreign when you're not talking to me.
i don't want you to laugh or smile for anyone but me.
(god that is horribly selfish.)
i miss waking up next to you (the sun is so bright at 7am)
and closing my eyes to be surprised with ticket to ride
i miss driving all day on the highway to the country songs you know by heart
and sleeping (or not sleeping) under the stars.

love, save the empty

i think that the universe has been waiting for me to be full, -- because falling in love when you are empty never ends well -- full of life and happiness and love of myself. the universe has been waiting for me to be completely happy with myself and able to find peace and contentment and ease my mind all on my own, without anyone's help. waiting until i can wake up alone every day and still smile at the sun and the birds in the trees. only once i am completely whole on my own, then and there is when the universe is going to hand me another beautifully whole and full person to love and be loved by.

i'm losing sleep i must lay down

our hearts must be still, and only then will we be perfectly happy.

the summer of reading project

books i've read so far --

the last song

my life as a doormat

eat. pray. love.

the boy called "it"

extremely loud & incredibly close
anthropology of an american girl
the little prince
persuasion
looking for alaska
everything is illuminated (in progress)
the boy who couldn't sleep & never had to

i know you can't stay but i wish you would

sometimes i just want someone to chase after me in a handsome black tuxedo while the music swells towards a happy ending, to a set of bluegreenbrown eyes to stare back at.