wedding bells will never ring for me

i haven't really figured out how to put words to this weird funk that i am in lately. it's not a good place to be. i feel lonely and empty and useless and vulnerable and uninspired and sad for no real reason and perpetually bored. i am hyperaware of my own heartbeat because i don't have anyone else's to listen for or match. every laugh or smile i have is superficial and short-lived. but i keep insisting i am okay i am okay to anyone who would bother to ask. i wish i didn't feel so hollow, like there's a hole in my chest and i am going through the motions and not doing anything significant each day and only living half alive. i am living just a series of insignificant days.