Saturday, December 7, 2013

songs of the years

for the last few years, around december 31/january 1 I have taken time to reflect on what I want the next calendar year to look like and who I want to be and what I want out of it, and then tried to choose a song that would represent that coming year for me. these are the songs I chose for the last few years.

  • 2010 - Be OK by Ingrid Michaelson
  • 2011 - We're All In This Together by Ben Lee
  • 2012 - To Whom It May Concern by the Civil Wars
  • 2013 - Anything Could Happen by Ellie Goulding

I think next year's is going to be Human by Christina Perri. more on that, later.

My Biggest Inspiration

Is Keltie Knight (formerly Keltie Colleen). She is an individual who has shaped so much of who I am today. Tonight, I am feeling especially grateful for her. Every day I wear my "courage passion hard work" mantra cuff because it has become a habit, a given, a reflex. Everyone else probably thinks they are just words on my wrist, and even I don't give it deep thought every time that I put it on but when pressed, I would tell you that it means so much more to me. It goes so much deeper than just those four words. It is representative of who Keltie is and who she has helped me become and what she has given me -- a lot more than just that bracelet and a few t-shirts and a book and two signed posters. She has given me a sense of self. She has made me better and kinder. She has shared amazing music and books and words that have inspired me. Not to mention the fact that she gave me one of my other (three) most inspiring people, Christina Perri.

I dance, because of Keltie. Because she taught me to appreciate the art and showed me how beautiful it is, and then when I felt compelled to do it myself but scared to try, for the very first time, at 18 years old -- she gave me courage and told me to just do it. So I took ballet for the first time. And I've kept on dancing for the last four years.

I am kinder, because of Keltie. I do my best every day to not only find the good (however small it may seem) in every thing that happens to me, but also to practice putting only goodness and kindness out into the universe. Because we are all confused little humans who deserve kindness and understanding, and you never know what is going to come back around to you. Or how far what you say and do is going to go in the world. And the world has enough ugliness and meanness without my contributing to it.

There are probably a million more things I could say, but tonight I am feeling especially lucky because not only is this girl a shining light in my life who inspires me and makes me better, but I get to feel connected to her. To my hero. Even though we have never met in person (yet!!) we have spoken through the computer, through the internets, and even face-to-face over a webchat type thing once! She has given advice and kind words directly to my naive, searching self. And the fact that I can feel at all connected to and acknowledged by someone so important to me, is amazing. The fact that I can almost, just barely, call her my friend. It blows my mind.

If I could have lunch, or coffee, or dance through the park with anyone in the world -- it would probably be her. She would be such a great friend to have. I am so thankful for what she has already given me.

Monday, August 19, 2013

songs to dance to at my one day, future wedding

such great heights - iron & wine
you give me something - james morrison
first day of my life - bright eyes
poison oak - bright eyes
wedding dress - matt nathanson
angel - matt nathanson
a thousand years - christina perri
arms - christina perri

Sunday, August 18, 2013

things to remember

"I just googled “What am I supposed to do with my life?”. 


I'm not even sure what my dreams are anymore? I am seriously questioning if I ever loved dancing. I think I might have just been in love with the music I got to dance to. In love with the musicians that played that music. I loved writing and wanted to be a writer until I realized that most of the time people just want you to write for free, and that writing is actually a hobby. Like doing crafts. Or jogging.

....

Last night I googled “What am I supposed to do with my life?” in hopes that the information superhighway that usually tells me everything would have the answer to this question. It didn't. It did however, know how to make a chocolate cake from scratch."

-Keltie Colleen

Monday, August 5, 2013

my writing goals


1. Get published by HelloGiggles and/or Thought Catalog
2. Get an MFA in Creative Writing
3. Be part of Winter With The Writers
4. Teach at Rollins
5. Get something published in print, in ink. Something that I can physically hold.

Friday, August 2, 2013

Oh no, not anymore.

Now that there are 686.9 miles between us, it is easier to let you go. All of the distance and time that separates us makes it easier. I've had nine months to get over the eight months that I spent in love with you. I thought I would never get to this point. I thought you would have my heart in a headlock forever. But I've finally done it. I've moved on. I really, honestly don't care anymore. I'm ready for the next great heartadventure that the universe sends my way. Bring it on, universe. I can take it. My heart can take it.

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

This is the first day of my life.

So. I am in another new city. I have relocated to Tennessee for the next twelve months (at least) to serve as an AmeriCorps Vista. I am living in Nashville and working in Columbia. I've been here for five days now, and the city has been wonderful. I am living with a friend, so it is less lonely and infinitely more fun. I can't wait to see more of the city and fall in love with it. My work days during the week last from 8am-6pm, including the long drive to Columbia. Hopefully next week I will have more to do at work once school starts and the kids are actually here, at the Boys and Girls Club, after school. Because right now, it's pretty bleak. And silent. 

I don't think I am very well suited to a desk job. Especially one with very little (or mundane) work to do. I will have to figure that one out, what I am going to do long-term. Especially if I want to stay in non-profits for a while longer. Sitting at a computer all day is not very gratifying.